Guest blog by Bill Phelps
We’ve reached a stage in our journey now where we’re about to embark on a £2-3 million housing development. We’re very aware that we’re just a bunch of (rather determined) amateurs, albeit with an impressive team of professional advisers in the background. It’s daunting to consider the scale of what we’re taking on – and how little relevant experience the ChaCo members have in steering a project like this.
It’s also an interesting point to recall that bit of cohousing lore that says that building the houses is easier than building the community.
One of the topics that crops up time and again in accounts of cohousing failure is that of unrealistic expectations. Life in a cohousing community has a lot to commend it (of course) – but it’s not going to be much fun for people who assume they’re always going to get their own way. One group in the US tells newcomers: “We’ll try to give you 90% of what you want.” – a healthy reminder that consensus decision making involves give and take on all sides, and a lot of searching for solutions that everyone can live with.
Another, rather sad, story tells of a new family moving into a cohousing community. In order to make them feel welcome, their new neighbours cooked a meal and left it on the kitchen table, ready for when they arrived. The effect on the newcomers was to undermine their sense of privacy and security, knowing that others had access to their house and might let themselves in at any time without warning. Often, we assume that others have – or should have – the same set of values that we ourselves hold, and it comes as a shock when we realise that people we’re cohousing with have different views and habits.
What this means, I suppose, is that as well as the laughs and excitement, there are going to be plenty of disagreements and misunderstandings before we eventually move into our new homes, and – crucially – afterwards, too. But most of the people I’ve talked to who are currently living in cohousing would say that any tears and disappointments are more than outweighed by the benefits and fun of living alongside neighbours who are committed to watching out for them and sharing time and resources with them.
Will cohousing make me happier? It’s possible. Will I regret investing the time, energy and pain to make it happen? I don’t think so.